Starving Hysterical Naked

This weekend has changed my life. Why? Well, I'll tell you. But, first... you might want to sit down.

Imagine that the simplest, most fundamental assumptions on which you rested your life, the very facts that drove your every move, your every decision - were suddenly violently ripped from beneath your feet, throwing you into a state of chaos, disorientation, imbalance! Well, what I learned this weekend did just that. Except - worse, because what I experienced in reaction to this radical, far-reaching fact were 2 somewhat opposing feelings, leaving my soul in a state of perhaps eternal conflict. (I should note - this was all courtesy of the Sleeping and Dreaming exhibition at the Wellcome Trust).

Apparently, the "fact" that we need 8 hours of sleep - is a MYTH! It was popularized during the time of King Henry VIII when Sir Thomas More wrote Utopia - and in his "perfect world," the inhabitants slept 8 hours!

My immediate reaction was one of relief. To someone with insomniac tendencies, knowing that we are each "unique" and that there is no real number of hours that the human body requires - or rather, that there is variation among us - is alleviating.

But, on the other hand, to someone who has planned her life around 8 hours of sleep - that is, constantly set, reset and modified her alarm during sleepless nights in order to assure the valued 8 hours of sleep - to someone who has missed meetings, classes, exams, & outings in pursuit of the heavenly 8 hours of sleep - this piece of news is quite troubling!

What was soothing - apparently many great inventors, discoverers, and thinkers have stumbled upon their creations in their dreams, literally. Among them, Paul McCartney. He woke up from a dream listening to the tune of Yesterday playing in his head & wondered how nobody had ever written down the melody to such a beautiful song. Enjoy!

Paul McCartney - Yesterday

Besos.

It Was To Be a Classic Affirmation...

Apologies – might be a long one today...

Part of the problem with insomnia is not knowing the cause, because, as such, it becomes almost impossible to treat effectively.

#1 Self-Diagnosis:

I’ve lately come to wonder whether the unpredictable emergence of my insomnia is merely a reflection of some sort of plea, by my unconscious, for more time in a day. There’s something odd about the fact that I absolutely refuse to do anything school-related after the conventional, light-mediated “bedtime,” no matter how much work I have or how many more hours I stay awake. With moonlight upon me and helplessly unable to sleep, I’m coerced to engage in any exploratory behavior that would indubitably be classified as completely unproductive & utterly irrelevant to my studies (at least directly).

You see, I believe I have developed what the Wise refer to as Procrastination; but, in my case, it has become so severe that it occurs, not only before, but also after any attempts at scholastic exertion (yes, I use ‘exertion’ intentionally here). On especially rainy days, it is even manifested intermittently between “fits” of academia. Could, in fact, my insomnia merely be an atypical extension of the aforementioned condition? That is – a compulsion to drag out, until the wee hours of the morning, the pleasurable effects of purposeless discovery (which is, sadly, mostly made possible by our ever-pervasive chupete electrónico, i.e. Google, Wikipedia, YouTube, Pandora, etc., in addition to the occasional Dr.Seuss book, which just can't be fully appreciated through a screen)?

#2 Recognition of Denial & Possibility of Solution:

Couldn't be. I love sleeping. But sometimes… I just can’t. And I refuse to take any real responsibility for my insomnia, since its (often unwelcome) advent occurs unwillingly. As an advocate of Existentialism, or at least of its foundational principles (Sartre’s “Existence precedes Essence”), I should admit that it's ultimately up to me whether (or not) I discover ways of controlling my own body, my own mind, so that I can finally lay my head on a pillow & fall asleep undisturbed. My ma says that insomnia isn’t anything that a little meditation can’t fix & though I think she’s right, it's so difficult to train ourselves to “let it all go” & accept our momentary "states-of-being". I'm not talking about relaxation, or about leading stress-free lives; you all know I definitely don't need any more of that. I'm talking about a genuine manipulation of mental states - whatever it is the Buddhist monks are doing when scientists measure their rises & falls in body temperature, neurotransmitter activation, & consciousness.

I guess that’s the reason we so easily turn to drugs; after all, it seems silly to work so hard to achieve a mental state that can so effortlessly be induced by the ingestion of illicit substances. Problem is – they don’t work &, unfortunately, we don’t learn.

Excerpt from Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (one of my all-time favorites):

That was the fatal flaw in Tim Leary’s trip. He crashed America selling “consciousness expansion” without ever giving thought to the grim, meat-hook realities that were lying in wait for all those people that took him seriously.

All those pathetically eager acid freaks who thought they could buy peace and understanding for three bucks a hit.

But their loss and failure is ours too. What Leary took down with him was the central illusion of a whole lifestyle that he helped create. A generation of permanent cripples, failed seekers, who never understood the essential old-mystic fallacy of the acid culture: the desperate assumption that somebody, or at least some force, is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.

Besos.

Lunesta is for Amateurs

Whoever said sedatives were a good treatment for insomnia, clearly wasn't too concerned about tomorrow. That's to say - not only do most pills cause a physical dependence, but also their withdrawal symptoms include (quite ironically) insomnia itself. What sort of hope can such an outlook bring to those affected by nightly spells of perpetual sleeplessness?

Ahh, but no worries! I'm not a pessimist. And I've had plenty of time to think about potential solutions, as it is well past 5am. Don't get me wrong - it's not that running 3 miles a day & wearing oneself out completely isn't acceptable - it's just that the daily task quickly becomes a necessity & altogether boring.

Instead, I have the perfect remedy: the fMRI. (Please see figure above.) Ita vero (as my Latin teacher would say). I had this epiphany just 15 minutes ago as I remembered that, tomorrow, I've agreed to be somebody's test subject & lay in an fMRI machine for 2 hours. Much to my dismay - or rather, much to his dismay - I'm Sleepless in London & will more than likely fall asleep as soon as my body hits its (normally uninviting) metallic surfaces. Poor experimenter - he's going to see some inexplicable outliers in his data set when my brain activity starts resembling the delta waves associated with deep, dreamless sleep.

In conclusion, if you're an insomniac & would like to feel like it's actually a useful, evolutionarily-selective condition, and are also impelled to have a direct impact on scientific progress, then talk to your local research center, university, or hospital. Just keep quiet about the whole 'insomniac' thing - they don't need to know. Chances are, they'll be interested in recruiting you as a participant for some experiment, & you'll get your nightly - or rather, daily - beauty sleep while simultaneously being productive! And since you'll probably be getting paid for all this, you can go ahead & just stay awake during the nights; go to a concert, see a film, have some drinks - & blow some of that extra cash!

Besos.